The End: In response to all the bitching about the Chicago Art Scene
I suppose you are all wondering why I called you here today. It is with great pain that I am announcing, as of January 1, 2009, the Chicago Art Scene will cease all operations. After much discussion, the Chicago Art Board has determined that the Scene can no longer function as a world class operation, and has therefore decided to abolish it, rather than allow it to continue on in a very limited fashion. This decision did not come easy. The Board looked at each individual segment of the Chicago Art Scene and its operation on a very detailed level, then looked at the scene as a whole. Combined with the current economic recession and the general belief that it will get worse, before getting better, it appeared that the Chicago Art Scene would not have a chance of being world-class. Rather than let it limp on, they decided to go out of business.
Those of you who are supporters of the Chicago Art Scene are encouraged to support Chicago’s other fine artistic institutions, such as the Chicago Music Scene and the Chicago Theater Scene. Active participants are encouraged to transfer to other urban art scenes as soon as possible.
We have been working with the Milwaukee Art Scene and the Indianapolis Art Scene and will schedule a workshop for mid-January for art professionals wishing to transfer to those locales. Representatives from Milwaukee and Indianapolis will be on hand to promote their scenes and help in any way. We have also approached the Minneapolis Art Scene and hope they can participate as well.
Unfortunately, our talks with New York and L.A. have not gone as well. They insist that they are not looking to expand and apparently do not have any respect for members of the Chicago Art Scene. I won’t get into specifics, as their comments were quite offensive, but the term “third-rate Second City” was mentioned more than once.
The Chicago Art Scene will continue to exist in a somewhat limited capacity after January 1st in order to facilitate an orderly dismantling of the scene. All property, including trade marks will be donated to the Chicago Public Library for archival purposes. If at any time in the future a group wants to start a new art scene, it may be able to become the Chicago Art Scene as this intellectual property will become public domain.
It saddens me to inform you of this, but the Board and I agree that, under these circumstances, this is the best solution. I thank you for your time and look forward to your support and co-operation.
Thank you.
I now open the floor to questions.
Category: Articles | Tags: bullshit, humor, sattire 32 comments »
December 8th, 2008 at 9:29 am
Bill, this is great! Very funny. You should actually give this speech in a serious fashion…I would love to see the reaction – -
December 8th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
I think it would be great as a video, Chicago flag behind you, etc.!
December 8th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Next time I find an empty podium, I’ll give it a shot. …or maybe I’ll just start blurting it out on crowded L cars.
December 8th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Mark, That would be a neo-conceptual performance piece, right?
December 8th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
What a great article, Bill. As members, do we qualify for a severance package? We should have formed an artists’ union.
December 8th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
Its really funny …may you should send a copy to Derek Guthrie in hope that it will give him some peace .
December 9th, 2008 at 12:15 am
Unfortunately, we don’t get a severance package. The banks were supposed to extend credit to the Chicago Art Scene in order to cover that as part of the Federal Government’s bailout, but they are holding on to the money instead. It’s a wide spread problem that is not unique to our industry.
Next question.
December 9th, 2008 at 7:56 am
Mr, Speaker,
I have a question: If the Chicago Art Scene returns, may I switch and become a Neo-Conceptual artist…would this be allowed? I have this idea about nailing some pillows to a wall using railroad spikes…it will be fantastic!
December 9th, 2008 at 11:31 am
Since the current scene is completely closing, any new Chicago Art Scene would be under the direction of entirely new people whose objectives may be completely different. Therefore, I’m afraid I can’t answer that question.
Any more questions?
Yes, in the back row…
December 9th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Is it too late to bribe Governor Blagojevich to bring the Chicago Art Scene back?
December 9th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
The Chicago Art Scene is an independent organization. Though some funding does come from the Illinois Arts Council, there is really nothing he can do. The decision to close the scene has been made and its assets are being liquidated.
…though I’ll bet he’d take your bribe.
[Audience chuckles]
Next question.
December 9th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Yeah, me…?
I have a show coming up next year in March at Barney’s Burger Barn in Bucktown, it’s my first solo…will that be effected?!
December 9th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Yes, that show will not go on. The only growth in the Chicago Art Scene has been in these smaller venues. This lack of growth in more important places is precisely why the Scene can’t continue.
I’d like to take this moment to mention that the public art in Millenium Park and the Art Institute will continue. These are not part of the Chicago Art Scene, yet are often mistaken for the Scene. Because of this confusion, the general public will hardly notice that the Chicago Art Scene will have gone out of business. For all practical purposes, it will appear that Chicago has a world class art scene.
December 9th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Hey, I got a question here!!!!!!! – -
I just spent a shit load of money on my MFA and I expected the Chicago Art Scene to set me up!!!!!!!!…..what the hell am I supposed to do now!!!! Well!!!!!!! Do you have an answer!!!!!!!!!!…..hey man, don’t touch me…..hey, get your hands off me!!!……don’t tase me bro!!!!!!!!!
December 9th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
I’m sorry you all had to witness that. It’s a very emotional issue for all of us. Are there any more questions?
December 9th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Mr. Speaker,
Do you know if the Evanston Art Scene is taking transfers?…they do a nice Street Fair every summer don’t they?…I just bought a new tent and directors chair…I would hate to miss out – -
December 9th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
I didn’t know Evanston had an art scene.
December 9th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Where’s the Pabst?!
December 10th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Will the end of the Chicago Art Scene effect my “Painting-a-day” blog? Gosh, I hope not…I’m having so much fun. Today I painted a picture of an avacado, yesterday I painted asparagus and tomorrow I think I’ll paint my cat. And I am able to share all my paintings with the whole WORLD!!!
December 10th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Art as a hobby, art festivals and the like operate outside of the Chicago Art Scene and will not be effected. You can continue your painting-a-day, plein aire painting and painting as therapy as you do today.
December 10th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
I’d like to add that The Artist Project and Around the Coyote will also continue. These are also often mistaken for being part of the Chicago Art Scene, but are not. In fact, part of the reason these minor art operations exist is because the Chicago Art Scene has been small and ineffective in recent decades.
December 10th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
So what you are saying and what I’m getting here is that nothing much is really changing? Well then, I’m off to read my CAC newsletter – -
December 11th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Hey, this is hysterically SAD! And very clever.
But the thing is no one cares about what happens but us so we need to keep working as if the Nazis have taken over and we are the Resistance!
Your commentary is wonderful and a start to reflections and action on the current state-of-affairs.
December 14th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
very nice – it was great chatting with you last night as well, mr dolan.
perhaps we should begin constructing an Ark of sorts, load it up with the last art stragglers after jan. 1st, and set out on great lake michigan…
December 16th, 2008 at 9:31 am
“after jan. 1st, and set out on great lake michigan…”
Let’s wait until the spring, though.
It was great chatting with you as well.
December 16th, 2008 at 9:36 am
Thanks, Joyce! One thing Chicago has are good artists that are willing to work and fight for art. There is hope. With the blogs and new magazines, there seems to be more interaction between artists than, say 7 years ago. Things are happening.
March 9th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
Wow. I gave up on the art scene years ago.
I never got any recognition except in showing
my work in a gift show where my “Art”
is disguised as “craft” and I get to hear all the
comments about how expensive my pieces
were (I’m supposed to compete with all the products imported from other countries). I
loved everyone telling me how their kindergarten class could make one. Art must be a spiritual path. Period. People
love the stories of the suffering in silence.
They get to sell it for more money the worse
the creator had it.
March 9th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
putting paint on canvas does not have to be a spiritual event…you just need a little talent to make things happen – -
March 9th, 2009 at 11:07 pm
This is hilarious!
Personally, I strongly dislike the public and/or business aspect of art, as many talented artists go unrecognized, under recognized, or are totally destroyed due to the elitist nature of the business.
The business of art is dog eat dog, from the artists tot he gallery owners. Those who are privileged within this business (they are wealthy, were born into it, went to the right schools, or know the right people), take what they want, get away with it, and don’t look back. I guess it all depends on what you’re aiming for. I need to create, so money and recognition or not, I must. I accept and recognize myself as an artist, therefore if no one else does, I can continue to remain true to myself and my art.
Peace…
peace…
March 10th, 2009 at 6:03 am
well said – -
October 24th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
gosh i guess arts dead everywhere and i dont know if it’ll be resurected or just stay dead-but just leaving another art ghost town or ghost towns in milwaukee the invitation to join them is to be avoided
October 24th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
Art, at least at a high level, is dead in most places. More accurately, it never really was there in the first place. Chicago had something going on during the 80s and has always been a good place for artists to start out.
However, the artists that are operating at this level that are successful, have made their success elsewhere or are riding on successful careers that blossomed in the ’80s.
If one is looking to move to another city to boost a career, I would suggest bypassing Chicago and just go to New York. Although, if one is just happy making art and selling it at street and mall art fairs, as well as the occasional solo exhibit a local library, Chicago is a fine place to be.